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Internal Reflections: blame

Rebecca Potter

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do, and I’ve hurt myself by hurting you.
— Christina Aguilera

I know it's just a lyric from Christina's song, but this past month that specific lyric hit home.

I have recently found myself blaming a significant person in my life for flaws in my own personality and these flaws ultimately led to my unhappiness. I ended up making them feel guilty about things they never did wrong. I blamed them through quiet resentments, complaints, and a lack of clear communication. I put the pressure on them to guess how I was feeling while expecting them to compensate for those negative emotions. Oh, how I wish it had taken me a much shorter period of time to figure out I  was doing this.  

That feeling of unhappiness was within myself, and just because that feeling creeps up every once in a while, it does not mean that it automatically becomes someone else's responsibility to make that feeling go away. Through my blaming this person, I hurt them and in return, I hurt myself. 

Many people, without realizing it, puts pressure on others to make them feel happy. However, blaming someone else for a fault or issue of their own is a downward spiral that the person being blamed cannot resolve. The only person who can turn the negativity back around and resolve the issue at hand is yourself. I have learned this the hard way through too many emotional arguments that never should have happened in the first place. 

As I have learned, and am still learning, it is important to reassess the unhappy moments and other feelings and find out why you feel that way and where they stem from. I think it is very healthy and important to take someone along the journey of resolution with you, but it is not healthy to blame that someone for what you are going through. 

The relationships you have will be so much more at peace  after a healthy reassessment and resolution. 

Don’t blame a person for no good reason;
don’t accuse someone who has not harmed you.
-Proverbs 3.30